If It's Over
by ShadyGreySteele
Summary: Ana & Christian have been married 6 years but have been apart for 18 months, he said he needed "more". Ana is still deeply in love with him but ready to give him his freedom. It the anniversary of the day they met and she pays him a visit at Escala. She is going back to basics and ready to give up the luxurious life she had been living to try to find her old self again.
1. Chapter 1

**If It's Over… By ShadyGreySteele**

**Hi Everyone,**

**So this will be my very 1****st**** story that doesn't have a "what if" theme revolving around how Anastasia & Christian met. It has a "what if" things were different vibe! I figured after 10 stories it was time to take a new turn so I hope you like this story. I will try to keep it going for a while as I am nearing the end of my Housekeeper story. I will still have a few good chapters left so I promise it will be good. Quality over quantity comes first so just be patient with me. **

**I hope you all enjoy this story. I look forward to your reviews and messages. Happy holidays to you all, whatever holiday you may celebrate I hope it is filled with love, happiness and joy xoxo ShadyGreySteele**

**All fifty shades characters belong to E.L James and the Fifty Shades Trilogy. No copyright intended. Story line and additional characters belong to me. Rated M for mature sexual situations. 18 and older please.**

**Synopses: Ana & Christian have been married 6 years but have been apart for 18 months after a he said he needed "more". Ana is still deeply in love with him but ready to give him his freedom. It the anniversary of the day they met and she pays him a visit at Escala. She is going back to basics and ready to give up the luxurious life she had been living to try to find her old self again. **

**Back To Me : Chapter 1 By ShadyGreySteele**

It's been six years to the day that I tumbled into the office of Christian Grey and fell in love at first sight. We have been through so much together and have been married for over five years and share two lovely children that we both adore. Beside our wedding anniversary we always would celebrate today also because it marks the day we met. I still love him the just as much as the day I met him, nothing's changed for me. I wish I could say the same for him. I know he still loves me but he is no longer in love with me.

We have been separated for about 18 months now and every day I fall apart inside just a little more. We haven't made divorce plans yet but I'm sure he's hoping for one soon. There was no prenuptial agreement and I think that's what's holding him back from filing the papers.

If he only knew that there is nothing more in this world than I want more than him. I am going to see him at today at Escala to talk to him about it. It's been so long since I've been there and I feel odd. Usually on this day we would meet at his office and celebrate the day we met, we obviously skipped last year and I was devastated so I am guessing he just wants to forget and get this over with.

I just want him to know that I love him and never want to hurt him. He can keep all of his money I don't want any of it. We can share custody of the children and I will be more than happy to move to a small apartment here in Seattle not far from my current job. Before I had the kids I used to work at Grey Publishing but I wanted to be home with the kids so I worked at home for a while then after we seprated I thought it would be best to quit working for him since our contact was now so limited.

Now I am working from home editing E books for a small online publishing company for the past eight months. I haven't mentioned this to Christian because we barely communicate anymore but he may know and just doesn't care. The pay is decent though and I will be able to pay my own way and stay home with the kids. I like having the freedom to spend the day with them and set my own work hours.

I'm sure Christian will be generous with a settlement but I'd rather him just set up a trust for the kids. He didn't work all these years to give half his wealth to me. I've never been comfortable being rich and I'm sure I can easily adjust going back to the way I was. I haven't forgotten who I am just my clothes and hair was a bit more polished for a while.

The kids will be fine as well. I have never spoiled them and even though they are so young they are taught every day to appreciate what they have. They are wonderful lovely children and thankfully too young to understand what's going on although Teddy does ask why daddy has a separate house than mommy sometimes. He looks exactly like Christian and Phoebe is a mix but has my eyes. I usually just change the subject, he's too young to understand and I'm too fragile to think about it. I miss him, so much. _I mustn't cry again._

**Hope you are enjoying this story so far. I will post all the chapters I have completed so far so this should get me off the hook for updates right away. Should be at least 10 chapters maybe more. I was going to post one per day but I know ya'll don't like waiting for updates! so Hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think so far.**


	2. Chapter 2

**If It's Over : Chapter 2 By ShadyGreySteele**

Deep down I knew I was never going to be enough for him sexually. No matter how many times he assured me that I was I knew he still had deep rooted issues from his abusive past and they would eventually resurface making him desirous for the darker side of his sexual lifestyle. I was right, the first four years we were together was pure bliss.

We made love every day sometimes several times. Each time was better than the last. I was so deeply in love with him I worshiped his body and he worshiped mine, I think. He showed me the world, fathered my children and gave me unconditional love for four years. I never saw an end in sight.

I tried so hard to please him in the playroom and I even let things get a bit rougher as time went on because I knew deep down he needed it. He would spank me longer sometimes with a paddle or a strap even though I hated that. I never called red and never let him see me cry after. A few times he fucked me so hard and so long I could barely walk the next day.

He loved that I was sore, he felt possessive of my body. Even during my pregnancy he was so attracted to me, even when I was sure I looked bloated and awful. He loved my body with a little extra. He couldn't get enough of me especially my breasts which were constantly swollen and a full cup larger. During my pregnancy he had his hands and mouth practically glued to them. The last few months of each pregnancy he would make slow delicious love to me for hours. Sometime If I close my eyes and think about it I can almost feel him.

Then one evening after we attended a Christmas charity function Christian was pretty drunk and went on an angry tirade about how he needed _**"more"**_ only not the kind of _**"more"**_ I had asked him for. He said I suffocate him and I've turned him into a bitter person who has to hold all his anger in and that no amount of "Vanilla Sex" could fill that void. I wasn't enough for him he said. I was really hurt but I just figured he was drunk and he would pass out and forget about it. I was so afraid to lose him so I let it go and blamed the alcohol.

The argument spilled over the next day when he woke up and in anger I walked out on him with the kids and went to my mother's house in Georgia to cool off for a few days until he had time to calm down. I thought he would come chasing after me or stalk me like he always had but this time was different. He just said it would be better for us to separate until he could sort out his feelings for me. I was devastated.

He said he was afraid he would harm me or take his aggression out on me so as sad and frightened as I was to lose him I agreed. I stayed at my mom's for a few days then went home to our country house while he stayed at Escala. Soon a week turned into a month and so on and he never came home to stay after that. He came by a few times a week to see the kids and called daily but as time went on the calls were less and the visits were down to once a week then twice a month.

During the visits he usually took the kids somewhere so he didn't have to spend time with me. I was heartbroken but I never gave up hope. After about six months Christian told me that if I wanted to date other men then he would be okay with that. That's when I knew it was really over that he was no longer in love with me. I said I could never do that but he said he didn't care if I did.

He said he didn't want to divorce yet but that he thought it might be an easier way for me to get over the hurt and move on. What he was really asking was permission to be unfaithful to me, he wanted a sub. I thought if I let him than he would miss me and come running back so I told him to go ahead and fuck whoever he wanted and that I really didn't care and well he didn't waste any time.

I've never dated another man, I have no desire too and I never will. Christian Grey is it for me, I love him and I will love him until I breathe my last breath. I suspect He immediately began going to some of his old clubs and re-entering his old lifestyle. The one I couldn't give him, making love to me wasn't enough anymore.

So now it's been over six months since I've seen him face to face. We have done the kid exchange through family members and staff. He may be surprised to see that I've gone back to my old ways pre-Christian Grey. No more fancy hairstyles or designer clothing. I'm back to my jeans and converse messy long untamed hair, very little makeup. It's been a weight lifted off of me, I am finding myself again. I miss the old me I miss hanging out at the library getting lost in a dreamy book and well just being invisible.

I like having anonymity and when I married him I became a tabloid housewife. I'm happy to say they wouldn't recognize me if they fell over me in the street today those damn paparazzi! I'm just a bit older now at twenty seven, and of course my old backpack is full of pull ups, toys, snacks and kids' books instead of school books and romance novels. I do love being a young mom and doing stuff with the kids. They are my life but I miss my husband so much and although it's killing me inside I have to give him his freedom, it's selfish of me not too.

He deserves it even if it means I've lost him forever and deep down I know I have. He's suffered enough mentally from his early childhood and I'm not going to torture him any longer. I'm just happy he's agreed to see me today after so long. I have been asking him for months now and he's turned me down every time with some excuse or another. I told him this was the last time I would ask and so he finally agreed.

**Its hard letting go of someone you love but Ana loves him.. Do you think she should raise the white flag or fight for her man? How will CG react? Hope you like I am nervous about your reactions as this isnt my usual type of story.**


	3. Chapter 3

**If Its Over: Chapter 3 By ShadyGreySteele**

Grace and Carrick have the kids for the next four nights and they are going to Christians house in Aspen Colorado (which I am no longer welcome at I suspect).None of the homes except the house we built together ever felt like mine even though Christian assured me it was. He had them before he met me and I always felt like a stranger there. They will be joined by Kate, Elliot, their kids, then Mia and Ethan. Christian is joining them in two days. I'll miss them so much but it will give me time to find an apartment and start moving forward.

I did like living close to the Pike Place market for the short time I lived there and I know a few moms from Teddy's school that said they could recommend some good preschools for Phoebe and public Schools for Teddy. I want my kids to have a normal life and attend public school. I went to public school and kept my grades up and did just fine. I printed out a few places for rent I found online and I plan on stopping by a rental office today in town to see if any are available to look at.

It's almost 2 pm the exact time I had an appointment with him six years ago. He didn't mention anything and honestly I don't think he's remembered the significance of today but I had to see him on this day. As I walk into the hallway at Escala I am greeted warmly as always by the doorman. We have managed to keep quiet about our arrangement and Christian never talks to anyone about personal issues. I am pretty sure the doorman knows I don't live there anymore and that my husband does.

I get in the elevator and am whisked up at terminal velocity to the thirtieth floor. Everything looks exactly the same as it did six years ago apart from a few minor refurbishments. Taylor is waiting outside the door dressed impeccably as usual in a black suit, crisp white shirt, and black tie. His hair is still buzzed short but more on the salt and pepper side now. He and Gail married last year in a small private ceremony but I wasn't invited.

"Lovely to see you Mrs. Grey" Taylor Smiles warmly at me

"You too Taylor, long time no see, congratulations on your marriage" I warmly reply and he smiles and nods.

"Thank you Miss Steele, I''m so sorry ma'am I meant Mrs Grey, my apologies." he stutters looking embarrassed. I look at him and nod a polite smile but that was just harsh.

" Mr. Grey is in his study he said to just come in when you arrive"

"I need the restroom first, you can let him know I'm here and I'll be back in 5 minutes" Holy fuck he called me miss Steele. I wonder if Christian refers to me as Miss Steele now.

"Yes ma'am" and he stands at attention

I walk down a small hallway just outside the apartment and head to a small but elegant powder bathroom for his security staff when they are guarding the entry. I am trying to avoid using the bathroom in the apartment. I just want to go directly to his office and leave, if I look around the apartment the memories will come flooding back and will break me for sure. My tummy is wrangled in nervous knots and I need to calm down, my heart is beating as fast as a hummingbird.

I check my hair and pull it back loosely in a hair tie and glance in the mirror. I'm about 10 lbs less than my pre-pregnancy weight and my big blue eyes once again pop out at me. I scowl at my thin pale face and give my cheeks a quick pinch for some color and put on some clear lip gloss. I am so nervous to see him that I'm shaking. My biggest fear is that I'll cry, I don't want to cry because I don't want him to take pity on me. I just want to be myself and give him his freedom, real freedom. I wrote him a letter in case I lose my courage to speak which usually happens around him.

I take a deep breath and walk into the apartment and head directly into my estranged husband's office. I avoid looking around at the apartment like I promised myself so I do not breakdown or flood myself with memories to distract me. I keep my head down focusing on my feet.

I open the door and walk inside and he is sitting behind his desk wearing his dark grey suit, a white linen shirt and the same black tie he wore on the day I interviewed him. _He remembered! gosh he is so beautiful._

I smile at him nervously and he gives me his beautiful lost look than can level me. I swallow hard and hold back the tears that are fighting their way out. He looks even more handsome now than the day I met him.

He rises from his chair and walks towards me with a soft expression. He stops in front of me and looks at me for a moment and I cannot breathe. He leans down and kisses my cheek softly and my blood immediately heats and my heart thumps at a frantic pace. _Oh..He's not wearing his wedding ring_. Instinctively I twist my wedding band that I've never taken off since our wedding day and he shoots a quick glance at me then places his hands at his side embarrassed I think.

"Anastasia, it's been so long, you look so beautiful, too thin but beautiful" his voice is warm and kind and I flush with embarrassment and his eyes smolder at me. _Don't you dare fucking cry Ana No!_

"Hi Christian, it's nice to see you, yes it's been too long" I choke out.

"Please sit Anastasia" and before I sit I glance at his office paintings my portraits from Jose have been replaced with some dark portraits of the ocean. I frown and he waves his hand gesturing me to be seated. He sits on the edge of his desk across from me, reminding me of the night he flew me here in Charlie Tango and offered me his contract and made love to me later that evening. The very best night of my life.

He smirks at me and I bite my lip unconsciously knowing full well that he is thinking of that day, that moment, but it doesn't matter though because he's dumped me, his wife that loves and adores him, so even though today means something, really it doesn't mean anything anymore, well to him at least. I'm not playing this game right now as tempting as it is I cannot bear the pain. I release my lip and try to relax a bit so I can get to the point.

**_Continued..._**


	4. Chapter 4

**If Its Over: Chapter 4 By ShadyGreySteele**

He is staring at me waiting for me to speak. He cracks a tasteless joke about the NDA I signed way back when and waits for my reply. Why does he even care to engage in this with me? He has no idea the extent of the heartbreak I have had endure and still suffer every day without him? That's so harsh and cold I frown and narrow my eyes for a moment then take a deep breath. _I can't let him see my hurt no. Be a big girl Ana_

Finally I smile at him and sit on the new modern deep gray leather couches in his office. When did he buy these? Ah does it really matter? No but it stings a bit.

"Would you like a drink Anastasia?"

"Yes please" It feels odd, like we are strangers. He gets up and walks over to the wet bar and opens the small wine refrigerator he obviously had built in the wall recently and takes out a bottle of Sancerre. He opens the cork and pours us each a glass. Our hands touch briefly as he hands it to me and we both look at each other for a moment but say nothing, we both felt it. That current is still there between us just like the very first time we touched.

"Thanks" I mutter as I take a sip

"You look different Anastasia, like the old you just like the day I met you. You still look so young and to think I met you on this very day six years ago" he says warmly. _So it's not just the suit, he does remember_.

"Back to basics I guess" and I shrug. He looks confused and even wounded that I don't seem eager to discuss that. Whats the point? This already torture for me. he can be so fucking vold sometimes. It's time to just cut to the chase.

"Christian, do you know why I am here today?" I ask as I look down at my fingers. Why is it still so hard to face him? He still yields this enormous power over me.

"I don't think you're here to commemorate the day we met Anastasia. So it's either about the kids or well I'm never sure what you're thinking Anastasia"

"No Christian although I don't think I could ever forget this day." I admit sadly "I am here because I would like to give you a divorce" I blurt out. _Good girl Ana, you said it!_

"I figured this day would come soon Ana, I've had my lawyers work up an agreement with a substantial settlement for you and the kids with a few properties. All I ask of you is that we share custody of Teddy and Phoebe and that you allow me to retain my company that I have worked so hard to build. I would also like to keep Charlie Tango, the Grace and my Jet but you can use the jet whenever it's available. All you'll need to do is sign and it can be final in about 90 days" He's planned a settlement out? oh he does want this. I feel sick, he is such a god damned control freak. Well time to play a little. I give him my most fake possible smile.

"You sound like a control freak" and I glance up at him through my lashes arching my brow at him and his expression softens.

"Oh I exercise control in all things " He says as he gazes at me trying to hide his smile.

"Yes Christian I'm very aware of that" and I roll my eyes. He takes a sharp intake of breath and folds his hands together tightly. Yep, he would like nothing better than to put me over his knee and spank the shit out of me then fuck me hard and fast over his desk while my hands are bound behind my back but he knows he can't anymore. Well he could but I can't tell him that, I wish I could jump into his lap and hug him tight and kiss him. He is so beautiful even though I know he's been unfaithful to me.

"Christian, I don't want "your" settlement. I've already come up with my own arrangement" I whisper and he gasps loudly and freezes momentarily _uh-oh_ he looks pissed. He stands up looking flustered and angry. His expression hardens immediately and his eyes narrow. He's never looked at me this way Its almost like he is filled with hate or rage. I am frightened.

**Oh He's pissed..What do you think will happen next? **

**continued...**


	5. Chapter 5

**If Its Over: Chapter 5 By ShadyGreySteele**

"I fucking knew it Anastasia, you want it all right? You want my businesses that I built from the ground up, the houses, and the kids my money everything. I should have listened to fucking Carrick and drew up the fucking Pre-Nup. Why the fuck didn't I listen to him? He yells at me and paces nervously back and forth tugging at his hair.I instinctively lean back in my chair out of sheer terror. He's never been this angry with me before.

I am so taken back by this, how can he think I want to take all that from him? He doesn't know me after all this time. The tears burst out of my eyes almost violently and roll down my cheeks and I just stare at him while he continues his tirade on me.

"Why the fuck are you crying Anastasia? You're on fucking easy street now and I have to start all over" he hisses at me.

I stand up and walk towards him and look up into his angry eyes and he grips my shoulders tight frightening me. I don't know if it's because he wanst to keep me away from him or if he wants to hurt me. I don't know him anymore, my own husband who used to love me. I shake my head with a nod and wipe my tears.

"No Christian, I don't want any of it. Is that really what you think of me?" I sob "You think I want to take everything from you? Did you ever love me Christian? Do you even know me at all ? I don't think you do or you would know I would never do that to you"

"Ana...I don't...I'm confused what do you want then?"

"**Nothing**, I want nothing from you. I just wanted to give you your freedom Christian. I want you to be happy that's all .I don't want a penny from you, not a house, not a car, not your companies, nothing" I cry as I try to get my words out.

"I just want the kids to live with me here in Seattle I will find a nice apartment and you can see them whenever you want to." And I sit down with my head in my hands and sob. How could he think so low of me? All I've ever done was love him unconditionally. I've never taken a thing from him so why the change of heart?

"Anastasia, please I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" he says feeling like an ass.

"Here Christian, I wrote you this in case I couldn't say it" I hiccup as I hand him a letter I wrote to him. He gently takes it and reads it out loud.

_"Dear Christian,_

_It's been a while now that we have been apart. I know deep down that it's over and that you are no longer in love with me. I accept that even though I still love you so very much and I always will." He glances at me and I can see tears brim his eyes but he continues to read in a low voice masking his despair._

_"I would like you go ahead and begin the divorce proceedings that I know you want. I only ask that we can continue to co-parent our children. I do not want alimony or any type of settlement from you. I will also take my maiden name Steele back, as to not interfere with your work, future or current romantic relationships. _

_If you so choose to set a trust up for the children than that will be entirely your choice, I only ask that you please only make it available when they turn 18 and not before that out of respect for me. Too much money and luxury at a young age can lead to problems. To quote you the very first day we met you said "I want to deserve to possess things" I would like the children to maintain those same values as their dad." _And Christian smiles at me with gratitude and sadness and continues to read my letter.

_"When you are with the kids, you can simply buy them what you'd like even travel with them and I shall do the same (please don't over indulge them). I will continue to live in Seattle so you and the entire Grey family can be close to the children as well. We can alternate holidays with the kids if you'd like. I know your schedule is always full so I will be flexible always to allow you to have as much time as you desire with them. I have been working at home and it's been fun for me to get back into book editing. I hope we can still be friends. I know we hardly see each other anymore but I hope we can still communicate for the sake of our children. _

_I miss you very much, I miss laughing with you and holding you. I miss your scent and your soft kisses. I miss your love, your smile, I miss everything about you. Most of all I love you and that is why I want you to be happy, you deserve to be happy even if that means its without me. I cannot be selfish with you and I won't hold you hostage in this marriage._

_I am so sorry very I couldn't give you want you wanted from this marriage and I am saddened that you couldn't give me what I wanted as well. You did give me hearts and flowers for a while and I will cherish every moment that you tried for me. I will never regret a moment with you. You are a good man with a good heart, a wonderful father and I am thankful for being even a small part of your life._

_I wish you only Love, happiness and health,_

_Love your wife (just one last time)_

_Anastasia Grey xx"_

He barely chokes out the last sentence and sits beside me silently for a moment as wipes his tears with his signature monogrammed handkerchief.

"Oh Anastasia, please forgive me. How could I ever think so low of you? I am so ashamed of myself right now" He hangs his head down then turns to look at me.

I shrug "It's okay Christian" and I rise to leave. He stands up and pulls me into a tight hug burying his nose in my hair and inhaling deeply. I hug him back and take in his beautiful scent one last time. He kisses my hair softly just like he used to and I almost forget that we are no longer together. I step back trying to gather up what little dignity I have left and give him an awkward smile. He releases me and I continue to walk towards the door to leave.

"Goodbye Christian, call me if you need me to sign papers"

**How sad was that? How could he think Ana was only after his wealth?**

**continued...**


	6. Chapter 6

**If Its Over : Chapter 6 By ShadyGreySteele**

"Please Anastasia don't leave, we need to talk. I haven't seen you in six months, please stay for a while"

I wipe my tears again before they spill over. Gosh I am such an emotional wreck now. I can feel my eyes all swollen.

"I have to go look for an apartment today while the kids are with your parents, I don't want to drag them along Phoebe get cranky and Teddy is very picky like someone else I know." I smirk

"I'll look for a two or three bedroom so the kids can have their own rooms. I also want to be near transportation until I can purchase a car"

"No Ana please I want you to have the house for you and the kids please, please take it and the cars. You're my wife, It's yours we are married it's not on loan Anastasia. Don't spite me and yourself"

"I'm not trying to spite you Christian, I just don't want to live in that big house alone anymore. It has too many memories of us and I miss you all the time. It would be easier for me to just go back to living a simple life, a quiet life with just me and the kids. We aren't really married anymore Christian, today is the first time you've agreed to see me in six months." And I look down at my feet.

"I couldn't face you anymore Ana not after the way I hurt you and left you"

"Christian just so you know, it still hurts. You're still hurting me every moment we are apart but I've just learned to deal with the pain. I have no other choice. I have to be strong for our children" I barely whisper" I've tried waiting for you but its torture so If its over just let me go and I'll try to let you go"

"Anastasia, please forgive me for what I've done to you. I don't want to let you go or for you to let me go.I have been miserable these past few months but I didn't know what to say or do to make it right so I hid"

"Oh I know what you've been doing, or I can guess at least" I say disgusted

"If you think I have a submissive then you are wrong Ana. I do admit going to the club and engaging in my old lifestyle a few times but I haven't brought anyone home or had any relationships. The past six months I've just been working out a lot"

"Oh I feel better now knowing you had sex while we are still married" I look at him disappointed.

"Are you saying you haven't Ana? It's been well over a year" he says this like he just assumes I've fucked someone. Wow another stab in the chest.

"It's been 18 months 9 days 14 hours and 23 minutes to be exact" as I glance at the watch he bought me as a wedding gift. His mouth pops open in shock but he says nothing.

"And no Christian I have never been unfaithful to you during our marriage not once, not ever. You're it for me beginning and end" I swallow and turn and head for the door.

I feel his hands on my shoulders and he stops me just before I turn the doorknob.

**Sorry this chapter was a bit short I'll make it up in the next one...**

**Looking forward to your reviews so far... continued...**


	7. Chapter 7

**If Its Over: Chapter 7 By ShadyGreySteele**

"Anastasia please wait" he shouts, it's a plea

"What?" I murmur and face him as my hand grips the doorknob behind me.

"I Love you, I never stopped loving you" he whispers halting me in my tracks.

And he swoops down and kisses me hard with desperation. My eyes pop open and his hands grip tightly to each side of my face. He forces his tongue into my mouth and before I can say no I just surrender to his kiss. He tastes like heaven. I need this just one more time one last kiss goodbye.

I reach up and brush my fingers through his soft copper hair as he kisses me furiously, devouring me. He groans as I tug harder and it sets me on fire. Oh how I have missed this and I want to savor every moment before he lets me go. His pulls out my hair tie and tangles his fingers through my hair and my hormones go into overdrive.

"Oh Anastasia, I have missed you so much" It's a sad confession and I see his tears stream down his face. He kisses my neck and up and down my jaw, tasting me, inhaling me like I'm his drug. I'm so confused but I want him. I don't want to let go. I thought I was stronger that I might be able to resist him.

This is a revelation; maybe he does still love me. I don't care I just want to kiss him, hold him, taste him and feel him. I have longed for him every minute since he's left me. He lifts me into his arms cradling me like a baby and carries me back over to the couch, pressing himself into me digging his erection into my sex so I can feel him.

His kiss is softer now, gentle as our tongues slowly caress each other finding our once familiar rhythm.

"Ahh" I cry as I feel him there, his mouth molding mine as his hands explore me. I want to be strong and run away and not give in but my heart is telling me to love him and let him love me.

"Anastasia I need you so bad please let me make love to you" he begs and without thinking I lift my hips to meet his and give in to my fantasy that I've had every day for 18 months now . I don't care anymore I can't resist him. I don't want may be the last time I'll get this chance to make love to my husband.

"Not here, in our bedroom, please Ana I need you so badly" as his fingers trace my nipples through my shirt.

"Yes" I whisper desperately and he takes my hand and starts walking me through our apartment.

It's felt like an eternity since I have held my husband's hand and it reminds me of the coffee morning after the photo-shoot when we walked out of the elevator in the Heathman Hotel. He took me by surprise when he took my hand; I remember the thrill I felt at that moment.

I had never held a man's hand before and I wore a face splitting grin as we walked four blocks to the Portland coffee house. I've held his hand hundreds of times after that but it's been so long that it feels brand new, and I grin.

I haven't been here in our apartment in over a year and it feels so unfamiliar. As I walk out of his office and head towards our old bedroom I am suddenly gripped with sadness and the loss of my once familiar home and I just break down falling to my knees as we pass the kitchen and I see his piano in the family room. This is the place that I fell in love with him, the place where we made love for my very first time.

"Ana baby no" and he bends down and wraps his arms around me.

"Oh Christian, why? Why did you leave me? Why don't you love me anymore? I sob overwhelmed by the home I once shared with my husband when he used to love me.

"I do love you Anastasia, it was never you. It was me I just had so many demons I couldn't get past them I was afraid I'd hurt you. I had to let you go"

"You still love me really, I don't believe you?"

"Yes Anastasia of course I really love you, I never stopped loving you and seeing you today like this, like the day I met you brings it all back to me. I was so selfish so foolish, I need you, I want my wife back please Ana, let me love you" he says hoarse and I nod

He sweeps me up into his arms and I rest my head on his chest as he carries me to our bedroom. It looks exactly the same not a thing out of place. My books still on the nightstand, my robe hung over the chair, my clothes still in the closet. Our wedding portrait hangs over our bed. The only thing that has changed are my portraits from Jose's gallery opening are now hung on the wall in the sitting room just off the master suite with one chair facing them and a small side table. **_Why?_**

"I haven't slept in here since you left Ana, not once. I stay in the guest bedroom. Mrs. Jones just comes in here to clean and dust but she's never touched your things. I just come in here sometimes to feel close to you and to look at your portraits back when you were happy and free"

"Why? I ask stunned or shocked I don't know how to react. He broke it off with me. He left me after I went to Georgia and never came home.

"Because it's all I have left of you. The scent of your skin on the sheets and the scent of your hair on the pillows." He confesses

"I was happy with you, I was waiting for you Christian at our home, and you knew that. You knew how I felt, I begged you to come home so many times" i shout at him

"Ana, I've told you I didn't want to hurt you. I had no choice. Flynn was no help. I tried everything for a few months but couldn't reign in my anger. Then I had to deal with the pain of losing you and letting you go. I knew I didn't want to hurt you and I also knew I didn't want any part of my old lifestyle. I guess I wanted to see if I still held what I thought I needed and it didn't so I stopped and I have just been working hard and focusing on business. I didn't want to divorce you because I had hope for us Ana." He sighs

"Please forgive me about what I said. I'd give you everything if you wanted it. I'm sorry I know I don't deserve you or anything after what I've done or what I've said to you. I just want you, please Ana"

"Want me? What do you mean? like just for sex?"

"No baby I love you I mean I want my wife back. I want my kids I want to be a family I want to come home. I want to see your face before I fall asleep every night and the moment I wake up Please give me another chance. I know I don't deserve it but I want to try. My folks have the kids for the next few days. Let's spend time together just us and get to know each other again"

"It's been really hard Christian, really hard. I don't know. As much as I love you and want you I'm afraid to be hurt again. I don't think I could live through it if you left me. You broke our vows you promised you'd never leave me and you did. You made me feel worthless of your love ,of you"

_**Is it his heart talking or his body? **_**_Continued..._**


	8. Chapter 8

**If Its Over:…Chapter 8 By ShadyGreySteele**

**Rated M..18 and older **

"I promise you I won't leave you. Ana please let me make love to you. Let me show you how much I love you" and he pulls me close and kisses me. Planting his special soft feather light kisses trailing down my eyes to my neck and back up to my swollen lips.

"Baby you know I love how soft your lips are when you cry" and his tongue slowly pushes its way into my mouth as I surrender myself to him. My arms drop to my side as he slowly lifts them and peels my tee shirt off. Pushing me down on the bed he very slowly unzips my jeans and pulls them down taking my panties with them.

"Oh Ana, my beautiful wife ,how I have missed you" he groans. He pulls my converse off each foot then my socks and kisses each toe gently.

He pulls my legs apart as I groan loudly. He slowly kisses up my thighs until he reaches me, _there._ He tugs the small bit of pubic hair that has grown back and smiles.

"You know I like this, you smell so good baby" he gazes up at me as I pant and then his tongue finds me. He pushes my legs apart holding them down tight while his tongue circles my clitoris. He shows no mercy as he licks me hard and fast growling as his eyes roll back. Oh it's been so long, it feels so good.

"You always tasted so sweet Anastasia" he whispers at my sex then licks his lips. He slips his fingers inside me and my body erupts.

"Oh God, Christian, Oh please" I cry Its been too long it feels so good oh.

"Come for me Ana" and I come hard whimpering low as he slowly licks me forcing his tongue deep inside of me.

"Yes baby feel it for me" and he places kisses on my stomach as he slowly climbs up me.

His mouth finds mine again and we are tongues and heavy breathing, cherishing each other. My arousal is all over his face. He loves making me taste myself and on him it tastes good. I want him inside me so badly. His mouth hovers over my breast and his tongue teases my nipple. His other hand clamps down on my other nipple and I cry out. He closes his mouth around my swollen nipple and sucks hard. He puts two fingers inside me and watches me as I start to come apart again.

"Oh how I have missed my beautiful wife" he says as he places soft kisses on my neck and back down to my breasts while his finger push into me fast hitting my sweet spot.

"Look at me while you come baby" and I look at him as he pleasures me. It's so erotic.

"I love watching you come baby, you are beautiful Anastasia"

"Please Christian make love to me" I beg and he kisses me tenderly on the lips and eases himself into me.

"Oh" he groans as he enters me slowly. It feels heavenly, that feeling of fullness from his large cock filling me stretching me.

"Christian, Oh" I cry.

Slowly and deliciously he moves in and out of me.

"You're still so tight Ana, oh you feel so good" he groans and I hold him tight trying to feel every surface of his body.

I've missed him, he feels so good and I let the tears flow free as my husband slowly makes love to me. He kisses my tears as he slides in and out slowly again and again as I climb higher and higher into the sky "Come on baby "he groans and I come quietly as he continues to make love to me.

"Oh Anastasia I love you so much, I miss you baby"

"I love you" I whisper and his control slips and he moves inside me faster and harder grinding himself into me as he comes apart.

I open my eyes just to make sure it's not my imagination running away with me like it has so many times. _It's not; he's here making love to me._ He pounds into me harder and harder and I feel his sweet breath against my neck as he groans loudly and kisses me. As his release nears he slows down, he always waits for me to come first although I've come twice already my body is a slave to his no matter how much time has passed.

"Come on Ana again, give it to me baby I need you" and I come gloriously calling his name and crying while I grip his back pressing him tight against me.

"Oh Ana, Oh God" he grunts as he comes hard pouring himself inside me. He kisses my gently as he pulls out of me slowly and rolls on his side. He wraps his arms tightly around me and lays his head on my breasts placing soft kisses on them .

"Oh baby, I have missed this I miss you so much Anastasia. I need my wife I need you. I'm nothing without you" we just lie there for a while in this strange embrace. I miss my beautiful control freak husband so much and I never want to let him go.

I don't really think he wants me back. Maybe he just wanted sex and was talking with his dick instead of his heart, either way I made love with him and it felt wonderful. Christian shifts and turns on his side propping his elbow on his pillow while his hand gently traces my face. I close my eyes and lean into him.

"Christian?"

"Yes baby"

"That was amazing. Thank you" and I smile nervously and he kisses my lips softly.

"Christian, listen we got caught up in the moment.. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this if it's not in your heart."

"Anastasia, you are still the same girl, so full of self-doubt. I have wanted to be with you for so long. I meant every word I said. I miss my lovely wife and my beautiful kids. I want to come home and start over. Just give me a chance I won't fail this time, I want forever with you." He whispers as he trails kisses all over me.

**Long overdue makeup sex..yummy!**

**continued...**


	9. Chapter 9

**If Its Over : Chapter 9 By ShadyGreySteele**

"Come baby let's have a bath"he commands. Mr. Bossy is back but I like this Mr. Bossy not the one who thought I was a gold digger just a few hours ago.

Oh I missed how we would always shower together or take a nice warm bubble bath and make love. He is either totally sorry or mind fucking me. He climbs out of bed and his body as just as gorgeous as ever. I stare at his perfectly sculpted naked body open mouthed He must really be putting extra time in the gym.

Another thought enters my mind but I force it away quickly. He is still my husband technically so I can stare at him all I want too. I can see him enter his…or our bathroom rather and fill the tub. He pours my favorite jasmine scented bath oil in and turns around to face me. I'm still on the bed gazing at him.

He gives me his slow sexy lazy smile and my heart pounds instantly. I blush furiously and smile

"You like what you see baby" he whispers all sexy and I nod.

"Yes"

He holds out his hand for me to come to him. I slowly and clumsily climb off the bed and trip and fall he giggles at me and shakes his head and scoops me up into his arms while I'm naked.

"Yes that's my wife" and I bite my lip and try to hide my embarrassment.

"Please baby, don't bite your lip or bath will get cold, you know what that does to me Anastasia" and he pulls my mouth open gently by my chin and brushes his thumb across my lip. I climb into the warm sudsy water as I twist my hair up into a bun. Oh this feels nice and Christian takes his place behind me and kisses my hair.

"You always smell divine Anastasia, and you taste so sweet always"

He takes the body wash and gently washes my back then trails his large soft hands across my breasts and stomach and I groan. He closes his legs under me pushing me up so my body is above the water and he washes me intimately, very slowly massaging me as I whimper. I can feel his erection pushing up against my backside and I want to taste him again, so badly.

"My turn to wash you now" I say slightly breathless and I climb off of him and sit on his knees facing him. I grab hold of his beautiful large erection and he gazes at me through hooded dark grey smoldering eyes. He know what I'm about to do. He does love a good tease though so I soap up my hands and wash him quickly and he smirks at me as and trace up to his chest and slowly wash across his nipples as his breathing accelerates.

I trail down his firm stomach washing in circles as I go, then I travel back up his arms and slowly rub him feeling each and every ripple in his muscular arms. I fill my hands with water and gently rinse the soap off of him. He is looking at me, his eyes burning but says nothing as I wash him. I lean forward and kiss each of his small scars one by one and his jaw tightens but he doesn't stop me.

"Oh Ana, I miss you" he whispers and I kiss him softly on the lips.

"I miss you too" and I continue to slowly kiss down his body until I reach his cock which is now out of the water and his hips lifted in anticipation. He is waiting for me to kiss him there. He loves when I kiss him there and I love watching him come undone as I taste him. It's just been so long since I have had his body at my beck and call and I want to enjoy him very slowly.

He is panting now as my lips get closer to him and he pulls out my hair tie and watches my hair tumble over him. He moves it to one side and tilts his hips up to me offering himself. Oh he wants this so badly and I am not going to disappoint.

I kiss the tip gently and trace my thumb around the tip flicking my tongue and he moans. I slowly suck the tip swirling my tongue around very, very slowly. Umm he is delicious. I suck hard and slow pushing him deeper into my mouth and slide back even slower, licking and sucking hard as I go.

"Fuck Oh baby, I like that. You make me feel so good Ana, I love you baby" and he pushes my head forcing his length into my mouth. I don't have a gag reflex when it comes to him. I can take him all the way back while he moans and cries in ecstasy.

I start to suck faster but keep the suction tight. I look up at him and he is watching me with his teeth tightly clenched as he hisses.

"Oh yeah, like that baby, suck hard Ana please "he says tortured. I take him out of my mouth and trace my tongue across his very swollen cock as I grip his thighs. He is coming apart.

"Suck harder please baby" He begs. Oh the way he says that drives me wild.

I know he wants to come in my mouth so I grab him tight and squeeze and put him in my mouth and suck hard and fast and he loses himself. Grabbing my hair he groans loud over and over

"Oh I'm going to come Ana, Oh" he grunts loud and pours himself into my mouth thrusting hard as I swallow and suck every last drop of him. He stills and pulls me onto his lap thrusting his tongue inside of my mouth. I think he like the taste of himself as much as I do. It's so erotic.

"I've missed that. It felt so good baby, come I want you in bed"

He lets the water drain and pulls me up he grabs a towel and quickly dries me, saying nothing as he breathes hard. He is soaking wet and looks beautiful. He leads me to the bed and before I can say anything he pushes me down onto the mattress, climbs between my legs and pulls them apart as far as he can. He mouth devours me, biting my clitoris while his fingers dip in and out of me.

"Oh, Oh yes" I cry and he takes no mercy. He just continues to lick and suck me hard and fast. He flips me over and squeezes my ass, kneading and massaging me as I groan.

He slaps me hard across my bottom over and over as I cry out. Oh this feels so good. I can feel my behind burning and heated but I like it. I love when he spanks me.

"Oh Christian, harder please" I beg and he pants loudly.

My groaning fuels him to continue and he spanks me fast and hard without his usual pattern. I love when his control slips while we make love. He used to be so in control but every so often when he was so overly aroused he would just let loose and really enjoy himself.

"Oh baby" he cries.

"Oh Ana I wanna fuck you hard baby" and he lifts my behind up in the air and takes me from behind hard and fast.

I come loudly, screaming almost as he slams into me. "Uh, Uh Ohhh" he grunts as he comes deep inside of me, pounding me until his release fills me. I collapse onto the bed and he holds me from behind and I drift off exhausted.

continued...


	10. Chapter 10

**If Its Over: Chapter 10 By ShadyGreySteele **

I wake up and it's dark outside. Oh crap I need to call the nanny and check on the kids. I glance at the clock and it only 7pm. Teddy will still be awake until 8:30pm and Phoebe goes to bed at 7:30. So I need to call now if I want to say goodnight to my babies.

Christian walks into the room in his PJ bottoms and sits next to me. "Hi baby" he smiles" and I blush. He is so beautiful I feel like I am in a dream.

"I have to check on the kids" I whisper nervously.

I just spoke to my mom they are fine. Phoebe is watching Sesame Street with her cousin Ava and Teddy is helping my mom give his toys a well checkup with her stethoscope. They are going fishing tomorrow then to town to see a puppet show. I told my mom we are here together and she was very happy and send her regards to you.

"You did?" I ask surprised.

"Yes Anastasia, I told you I want to start again, be a family if you'll let me try" and I smile and hug him.

"What about Carrick? He hates me although I don't know why."

"No, no he doesn't hate you. It's my fault Ana, he has always been protective of me and he was worried that I was going to lose everything. That I was careless for not having you sign a pre-nup"

"So he thinks I am a gold digger, the mother of his grandchildren. I have never given anyone a reason to think that of me but they all do including you."

"Anastasia, I said I was sorry and I meant it. I will talk to my dad"

"No I don't want you too. I don't owe him an explanation for what he thought about me. I just want to live a simple quiet life that's all. I only need the kids and you. Everyone else turned their back on me when we split up, even Kate."

"They are still my family I can't just not be part of their lives Ana"

"I was your family I thought and you dismissed me into thin air." He looks so hurt by that

"I'm sorry Christian. I shouldn't have said that of course I don't want you to turn on your family, it will be an awkward adjustment for me but I am willing to try for you if you really want to be a family again. I do speak with your mom occasionally but for now I won't be going to any family dinners for a while okay. I need time."

"Okay baby I understand. I can only imagine what I've put you through" he says sadly. "Call the kids before the go to bed Ana"

I grab his cell and dial the nanny and I take turns saying goodnight to the kids. Cassie said they're are having fun in Aspen and I wish I was there but because it's been so long I feel like I don't even really know his family anymore. We have limited communication as well. Grace does call me every so often to check in on my but it's not the same. Even Kate and I aren't really close anymore, She was my best friend and we were family now, sister in laws. I thought she would have been more supportive of me during this whole ordeal but she was busy being a mom and she and Elliot moved about 50 miles away from us so I understood even though I was hurt. It was becoming my new normal.

I just wish I had someone to lean on. Carrick doesn't talk to me at all, he thinks I'm after Christian's money. It's so sad that after all we went through that they just dropped me like I never meant a thing to them. Mia and I were like sisters especially after the Jack Hyde incident. Sadly aside from liking the kid's photos I upload onto my Facebook profile every so often, she doesn't call or text me anymore. I mean I saved her fucking life. I got my skull fractured in the process, shot a man and almost lost my child but hey I guess it's not enough proof that I'm not some gold digger.

My mom is too far away and I really didn't want to burden her with my pain while she was finally happy. So I have kept it all inside. She does think we are having problems but I haven't mentioned how bad things really were.

The one person who has truly been there for me is Jose. We are still friends and we talk weekly. Without his support I would have surely had to seek professional help by now for the sake of my kids. He is a newlywed of 10 months to a lovely girl named Emma and they are expecting their first child a boy, in July.

I am so excited for them and his wife and I have become good friends and have lunch every so often. She knows i'm married but has never seen my husband, she is not judgmental at all she knows I still love him. I gave her all my maternity clothes and boxed up most of teddy's infant clothes, bouncy seats and other infant toys and dropped them off to her a few weeks ago. They have asked me to be godmother to their child and I am honored.

I am seeing them next week at Jose's gallery I wonder if Christian will join me. _Deja Vu!_. He now owns his own gallery and helps other aspiring artists get the notoriety they deserve. He and Emma met there when she attended a friends showing and Jose said it was love at first sight. They are crazy in love its almost embarrassing to witness mainly cause I have felt so alone, they do try to curb it a little in my presence.

I told Jose I would help him plan the baby shower for her even though I don't know if I'll be any good at it. I will try my best. Jose said he will pay for it. He know that's since I've been separated that I haven't spent any of Christians money. Come to think of it Christian has to know that. He pays all the house bills and credit card bills or at least his accountant does. I shut all my cards off months ago. I took myself off all of our joint accounts.

I have my own checking account that gets direct deposits from my job only. Its the only card I use for clothing, groceries, etc. I wonder if he knew that? If he did then why ever would he have thought I wanted his money? maybe he thought I was hiding money but he had to know that I hadn't spent a penny of his in over a year now. He had several accounts just for me some with millions of dollars in it, my husband is a multi-billionaire worth over 49 billion dollars last time I checked. When I closed them I had all the money transferred back to his personal accounts. Surely the bank would notify him if his wife deposited millions of dollars into his checking and savings savings account alone had over 30 million dollars. I'll have to ask him about that or maybe I'll just pass some hints to see how he reacts when I try to pay for something with a ATM card from a bank he doesn't do business with. My account only has around $6400.00 right now

"Ana come let's get dressed and go for a late dinner, then maybe go back to our house, not here"

"Okay" and I get dressed back in the same clothes I came here with today and Christian throws on some jeans and his converse matching me.

"I have to pack a bag, then I'll have Taylor bring me some more stuff and my car tomorrow"

"Okay" I smile. I can't believe this is really happening. A few hours ago I was coming here to say goodbye and coming to terms that I would soon be divorced. Now 6 hours later we made passionate love and he's asked me to take him back. Joy stirs deep inside my belly but the neurotic part of me fears it will only be a matter of time before he needs "more" again. Do I even want to set myself up for this magnitude of heartbreak?

I hate being without him. I am miserable and lonely; all the best moments of my life have been with him as well as some of the worst. I love him desperately but part of me wants to make him work for it. Can I just let him come home and pretend things are back to normal? It's going to be a big transition but if I am being honest I never wanted anything more in my life.

**I hope this story is still holding your interest. I'll try and post another chapter right away then I will update in about a week or less if i have the time..xo**

**Continued...**


	11. Chapter 11

**If Its Over : Chapter 11 By ShadyGreySteele**

Christian comes downstairs with a small overnight bag. He really has been staying in the "old sub" room upstairs. I know Christian never does anything he doesn't want to so I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt for now while the kids are away.

He has decided not to go to Aspen and to spend the next four nights with me. I'm relieved that he wants to go to the home we share with our children to sleep tonight. It will make it easier for me to get used to his presence there while the kids are away. Teddy will be sad though that his daddy won't be on the trip with him but he will be thrilled when his daddy is home for good…_I hope_.

For how long though? What if he leaves again? It will break the kid's heart It will break me. I don't want to discuss it yet, it's too soon. Everything is happening so fast but I love my husband and I want my marriage back. I felt how he loved me when he made love to me today. He has never shown such passion and emotion like that before. He was crying, he rarely cries over anything. I have only seen him cry about five or six times and I'm certain he doesn't open up to anyone else like that apart from his mother maybe. I actually felt how much he loved me. I just want to wake up in my bed tomorrow and see him lying there.

"Ready baby" he smiles his enigmatic boyish smile and I just sigh. He takes my hand as we walk into the elevator. As soon as we enter he squeezes my hand tightly and looks at me. That fire is still there. He plants a soft kiss on my cheek and I flush.

"Don't get any ideas now or we'll never make it to dinner" he teases and I can't help but laugh.

"It wouldn't be the first time Christian" I smirk and then the door opens to the underground garage.

"Do you want to take separate cars because I drove the minivan and it has the kid's car seats in them?"

"We can take your car, that's fine I'll have Taylor deliver my R8 and the SUV tomorrow. Besides I plan on making love to you all weekend so I don't think we'll be needing the car, well unless you want to park by the lake on property and make love in the back seat, or we can have a picnic in the tall grass like we used too baby" I just nod speechless, his voice alone seduces me.

I hand him the keys "You drive" I mutter because I'm a quivering mess now and we get in the car and head home.

"I'm just happy you are coming home. I miss my husband; I didn't think you would ever come home. So much has happened today." I murmur fighting tears again, tears of joy this time.

"Ana, I promise you I won't fail you this time. It's all I ever think about. I know it's going to take time for you to trust me again. We can do couples therapy of you'd like. Teddy doesn't start kindergarten for eight weeks, we can take the kids on a family vacation to Disneyland or Disney World for a few days then maybe we can go on a romantic trip to Tahiti for a few nights. I could use the time off of work. I have been going non-stop for too long. I will do anything it takes to show you that you are enough for me for as long as we both shall live" I can feel the tears pool in my eyes and they fall.

His words sound so sincere and the way he's looking at me so honest and I want to believe him. The first 4 years we were married were magical then he just flipped a switch and overnight he decided he didn't want me. He destroyed me emotionally, I spent months going through the motions of daily life for the sake of my kids and spent my evenings sobbing and praying for his return. Now I've come today to leave him and he has this epiphany. Why now? Why not yesterday or last week?

I am so scared of being hurt again; I have finally accepted a permanent state of loneliness. I was easing into my old life again and even though I want nothing more than to be with my husband I won't go back to a crazy overindulged lifestyle. Especially now that the Grey's have me pegged as a gold digger that makes me so angry.

I like my new "old me" look. I like blending in with the crowd. I like going to the park with my babies without someone taking pictures of us. I don't need perfectly coiffed hair or weekly mani-pedi's. I don't need $500 jeans. I like my mall brands and my converse. I love shopping in target and Wal-Mart. I like not feeling intimidated all the time or not good enough. I love being a mommy, heck I even like going to church on Sunday. As much as I love Christian, if he really wants to work it out with me then he will have to accept that my life has changed without him and compromise for me as I have for him.

"Christian, I have to work, I would love to take the kids to Disney World that would be exciting but I would still have to make time to do my work at least two hours a day during the week. The kids are on vacation right now with your parents so maybe in a few weeks we can go this way I can plan our trip and let the kids make a plan of all the rides they want to go on and all the things they want to do."

"Anything you choose baby as long as I have you I don't care" and he kisses my hair softly.

"Phoebe would love to meet all the princesses and Teddy loves the I take them to the kiddie rides or the water park and they love it." I say all excitedly.

"I know Teddy called me one night and said you threw up after you rode the hell hole with him. I told him to rub your tummy and make you drink water"

"Oh my god, yes he did rub my tummy and brought me a glass of water. I didn't know that" I say slightly shocked

"I told him not to tell you" he shrugs and I smile shyly at him and squeeze his hands. M_aybe he did miss me or care about me._ back to the trip now before i start to cry again.

"I once went to Disneyland with Ray when I was 10. It was the best day ever so I am really excited. There lots of stuff for us to do there too. We can bring Cassie this way we can go out when the kids fall asleep." I say enthusiastically. "Well unless you leave me again" I mutter out loud not meaning too. Christian lips thin into a hard line and he grasps my knee and throws a quick glance at me then back on the road.

"I promise Ana, I promise you. I love you and our kids more than anything. Its time for me to come home." He says sincerely as we pull up to the gate and drive down the long winding path leading to our home.

**"We're home baby**" he whispers and kisses my knuckles. I smile and lean over for a soft kiss on the lips.

**"Home"** I whisper back

**I will update more chapters as soon as I have extra time. Hope you like what you've read so far xo**

**Follow, review,or msg me if you'd like. be sure to check out my other stories. Happy Holidays to all who celebrate!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you again to everyone for your support on this story. I was ready to throw in the towel but your postive comments and messages have fueled me to continue so I hope you enjoy these next few chapters. Please forgive me if I havent replied to your PVT MSGS I had so many and didnt have time to reply to everyone. If you are reading this and you are one of those people then I thank you very much for your support.**

**Chapter 12:If It's Over by ShadyGreySteele**

**In Christian Grey's POV**

"Christian, I thought we were going out to eat?"

"I'd rather order in and have a quiet evening with you" I smirk

"First let's drive by the sound and walk for a little bit to let me take in the scenery and tell you a story "

"A Story?"

"Yes, a story that you need to hear"

I gaze at the house and drive towards the water. We get out and hold hands and begin to walk. I stop for a moment and just gaze at our beautiful estate, the home that she made. The home where I hope we can be a family again.

She has no idea what's waiting inside for her. She is going to be in shock. I have gathered my family together and the children. They never went to Aspen, I had planned to tell her everything today because it was our day to finally reunite but I wasn't sure if it would go my way. I wanted to see if she still loved me before they left; the plan was that if she forgave me then everyone would come here for a reunion of sorts. Thank heavens she is giving me this chance that I know I don't deserve. My story will be a shock to her no doubt but I am confident when she hears the truth she will understand why I did what I did.

The cars are all parked on the other side of the property so Ana won't suspect. I have been waiting for this day for what seems like forever

So here I am again back at the home I built for my family, the home where we became a real family the home where our children took their first steps and the place where Anastasia was so happy. She loved the tranquility and peace here. We had so many good times here until I fucked it all up. The night that changed everything was just 18 months ago. It never had anything to do with her but I didn't have much of a choice at that time. Well this is the story of what really happened and I hope she will understand that I didn't put her through this for "more" she is my more that will never change.

I was being blackmailed by Elena and six of my former subs, earlier that evening we had to attend a Christmas charity function for foster children. Prior to me attending I had been receiving some threats about video footage of me engaging in various BDSM acts that had been filmed during trips to some clubs I had patronized prior to meeting my wife, recommended of course by Elena Lincoln herself.

I hadn't spoken to her in four years and she had spent a large portion of that time building a plan to ruin my life. Before we arrived at the function I had received a call from her warning me what was about to happen. I was so angry that I began to drink bourbon to take the edge off my nerves.

Elena sent me a text message with a video of me in quite an objectionable sexual act with a submissive in training. The video was well lit and it was clear it was me in the flesh, naked, whipping and fucking a young girl named Julianne who was bound and gagged. It was a consensual but a relentless beating.

She rather enjoyed it but it looked more like I had her in some ancient torture chamber. Her flesh was welted and bruised and I had her perform various sexual acts on me while I caned her and made her beg. She requested that particular scene several times it was by her request.

A few of the other girls had made secret video recordings of my playroom with their cell phones. Combined together it looked like I was a diabolical serial killer maniac who tortured innocent girls with similar features. Well some of that is true, yes they all resembled the crack whore and I beat and fucked all of them. The only difference was it was 100% consensual. I could've easily proved it with my paperwork and my own video recordings but it's not something I wanted public.

Elena and her little sub army threatened me that it would go public if I didn't leave my wife. There was a chance I would lose all of my investors and that child services would come into my home and deem me an unfit father for what I've done and take our children away.

Elena wanted Anastasia to pay for dissolving our friendship/relationship and business partnership. She was bitter and wanted revenge. I wanted to tell Anastasia but I knew she would confront Elena then the whole world would know what I had done and all the good I had worked for in this world would be destroyed overnight.

Her conditions were that if I ended it with Ana that in one year she would destroy the evidence. She knew it would be too far gone for Ana and I to repair our marriage by then. She had no idea how much we loved each other. I knew the tapes would humiliate my wife and kids and ruin my reputation and put their lives in jeopardy. If I agreed then I would still be able to see my kids and continue on with my life. Only I had to pretend I wasn't in love with her. I love her more than anything on this planet besides my children's and so for those reason alone I had no choice to play along

**Continued... I promise you will forgive the Grey's !**


	13. Chapter 13

**If It's Over: Chapter 13**

One year without her would be torture but it was the only choice I had. Elena and the subs had several tapes of me with many women. All of the subs were paid so well by Elena that they all made threats that if I didn't follow through they would all press rape and battery charges against me. I could face several life sentences even though I was innocent.

All of the tapes had the same theme. I had treated each sub as a slave and always had them bound, gagged or chained. I was rarely gentle or caring and used many vicious implements to bring them to heel. Those bitches all loved it. They all came to me but when I ended my relationships with them it wasn't enough.

I had become so rich that they though this could be the way to get even with me at least that's what Elena told them. They wanted to bankrupt me, send me to jail and break up my family. I had no choice, even with the best lawyers I knew that there was still a chance a jury would believe them and then I could never have my family back apart from them visiting me in jail. Even if I were cleared my reputation would've been destroyed forever.

I know that sounds horrible that I could sacrifice the feelings of my beloved Ana over something like that but the fact was, these threats were real and there was evidence, even though the evidence wasn't fact, it was there and the sex was so rough and juror might have actually believed it to be rape and torture.

My hope was that if Ana could get through the year and I could retain all the tapes and 100 percent cover my tracks then I could tell her everything and she would forgive me. Like I said though if she would have known then she would have stepped in like she did with Mia. I know Ana she is very passionate even if she would have agreed to keep it quiet we would have been caught at some point together.

The next morning I woke up and had to put on the act of needing "more" I went on an angry tirade and said the most abhorrent things to my beautiful love. Ana was so enraged that she took off to her mother's house in Savannah GA for a few days to let me cool off. I wanted nothing more than to come and tell her that I love her and I could never need more but it wasn't an option. I would never again since then spent the night with her. The only time I could see her was to pick up the kids but over time Elena demanded that we use family members and staff during my weekends with my kids. I was boiling with rage. I wanted to kill her but I had to keep my cool and protect my family

Part of the agreement was to have my contact with her monitored to make sure I was keeping my end of the deal. I had to pay each sub 2.5 million dollars for their silence. I agreed only to pay when the year was up. During that time I knew I could come up with a plan to turn it around on them, especially for the revenge I would ultimately want for sacrificing my wife to this kind of hurt. I knew how much she adored me and how it would emotionally destroy her. They were going to pay.

The only person who I could turn too was my dad. I told him everything and well let's just say he was mortified but as a lawyer and a father he helped me put a plan in place. The trouble is he adored Anastasia so much especially for saving Mia he felt indebted to her but as I explained what was happening he understood that this would destroy much more than her, it would destroy our family, my children and everything else. So Carrick played along using the old pre-nup debacle as his fake form of distaste for her.

My mother had no idea what was going on only that Carrick said to trust us and that all would be revealed in due course. My mother being a doctor knew how to keep confidence but the less she knew the better. Carrick also would try making passing comments within the family about Anastasia to slowly turn them against her. Mainly that she would take me for everything if I left her. Nobody fell for it and all suspected something bigger was brewing and it was for her safety. Even Kate reluctantly played along. Elliot had to battle her so many times to keep her from going to Ana and telling her that is was all some hoax to keep her safe. Ultimately Kate knew it would only cause harm so she backed off.

Eventually I had admitted to most of my family that I was being blackmailed and what might happen if they didn't cooperate. Everybody loved Anastasia so much they just knew that it would hopefully be okay in time. I didn't tell them what I was being blackmailed for or with or they would have been in harm's way as well.

Carrick and Taylor worked together for months building a strong case for me. Taylor knew first hand that this was just a lifestyle and I wasn't some sadistic maniac, (maybe a bit sadistic). Elena was now being watched 24/7 by the best PI's on the planet. Every conversation and meeting she had with my subs was recorded and Elena herself being the Domme that she is participated in her usual BDSM dailies. Every bit was taped, every fuck, whip, suck, beating you name it. She was on her own big brother. My PI's went to the girls homes and little by little found and destroyed all evidence that would connect us.

At one point before I had enough evidence Elena had told me I was to tell my wife she could begin to date other men and that I was interested in finding a sub. That was one of the most horrifying moments of my life; the look on her face was nothing that I had ever seen before. It was like I had robbed her soul. I was sick for weeks after that I couldn't hold food down; Gail was force feeding me protein shakes so I could function. I knew Ana wouldn't do that but the though of any man touching her was destroying me I couldn't face her very much after that, I just counted the days until I could hold her again and tell her everything and beg her for forgiveness.

I had been playing this role for so long that even today when she said she had her own terms I was still in my blackmail game and went postal on my sweet Ana. I knew she didn't want my money, never did. She closed all our joint accounts and shut off her credit cards. She had all her money transferred into my account and I had to pretend to turn a blind eye. I had Kate create an E pub company since she has studied English lit with Ana and just before she left Grey publishing I had a PI posing as a client tell Ana during an online chat about APT publishing (for Anastasia, Teddy & Phoebe) and how it was great for stay home moms. She thought it stood for "American Publishing Trade" Kate was running it the whole time but we had to keep the pay moderate so she wouldn't suspect I was involved.

I spoke to Jose Rodriquez and begged him to look after Ana. I couldn't tell him what was going on but I promised him it was for her safety and he became a lifeline for her. I am forever in debt to that man and his unknowing wife. Yes the same man who was in love with Anastasia and tried to kiss her drunk and sick six years ago. The very night I had the pleasure of spending my 1st evening with Anastasia even though she was piss drunk and passed out, she's the only woman who has ever slept in bed with me and ever will. I watched her all night sleep like an angel that night and I knew then I was in love with her and that I could never part from her. Until that evil fucking Elena separated us.

After all the evidence was destroyed I employed my blackmail skills on every sub ordering them to flee the country or I would shop their pictures with their current BDSM activities to everyone they knew, ruining their careers and family too. I saved the best for last. I stripped Elena of all her assets, homes and exposed her family and friends to her lifestyle without a second thought. There wasn't any more evidence left to implicate me with that lifestyle or with any of the former girls including the other nine that weren't involved. I covered every base. Elena eventually fled to her hometown the Midwest and is running an illegal brothel and selling illegal sex enhancing drugs. I still have her watched 24/7 as I know one day she will try again for a new form of revenge on me. She won't even have a chance. It's only a matter of time before she spends her life in jail when I alert authorities and submit evidence of her extra-curricular activities.

With all that said and done I now had to figure out a way to make my wife forgive me and figure out a way to tell her the truth. I had avoided seeing her for six months now. My plan was to at least give her a chance to move on if she so desired. I knew the anniversary of the day we met would be a good way to see if she still had feelings for me. I put on my lucky suit and held my breath when she walked in my office. Now hours later here we are.

As we stroll along the sound she listens closely in shock as I tell her the story. We head back towards the house hand in hand she notices I am now wearing my wedding band. It feels so good on my hand and she kisses it softly. She is in a state of disbelief though and she says nothing, just listens. Then she stops in front of the door and sits on the porch swing.

"Oh my god, Oh my god" she mutters

"Anastasia I know I can never make up for what I have put you through. One thing I want you to know is that through all of this I never was unfaithful to you, **_never_**. I had to make you believe I was. Even today I knew how much I had already hurt you and I thought if you believed I was unfaithful it would just make it easier for you to move on."

"I'm speechless Christian I can't believe I never caught on all this time, holy shit"and I laugh

"Come baby lets go inside, it's over now. I want this to be a new start to our lives" and I kiss her with everything I have. Anastasia turns the key in the door and flips the light switch on and gasps.

"SURPRISE" everyone screams and she jumps back and trips into my arms.

Standing in the foyer waiting for us is** Teddy, Phoebe, The nanny Cassie, Grace, Carrick, Ray, Carla, Kate, Elliot, Ava, Mia and Ethan along with Jose and Emma, Gail and Taylor.**

I hold her tight as she stares in shock at all of her family and friends and the tears pour out of her eyes as the kids run into her arms and everyone walks towards her with arms open crying.

"We love you Ana" Kate cries

**Hope you all enjoyed this update and that it cleared up some of the questions you had! I have published 13 chapters in less than 24 hours and my fingers hurt and my head is thumping..go easy on me or I'll cane your asses ! xoxo **

**Xoxo Peace and Love ShadyGreySteele To be continued….**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

**In Anastasia's POV**

Oh my goodness this is just an emotional overload. I am overjoyed as my children run into my arms and cover me with kisses. I glance up as I hold them and look into a room full of teary eyes glancing at me and after what Christian just told me I should be thrilled to see them but apart from my children and nanny I am NOT.

I feel as though I am in a dream. I can hear them calling my name and saying they love me and that they've missed me and all I can think about is how much they have hurt me and betrayed me. They left me on my own during my darkest hours. The only one who was there for me was Jose and Emma but now I question what they knew.

I let the kids go and they run into their fathers waiting arms and he scoops them both up effortlessly. Kate approaches me first all weepy with her arms out towards me and I immediately step back. She looks at me confused and surprised my reaction as does everyone else.

"Ana, I missed you so much. I'm so sorry for everything" she cries. I just narrow my eyes and glare at her then my eyes dart over to Mia.

After all I have risked for her I would have thought even if Christian had just left me for other reasons she would have still been loyal to me after I almost died saving her. She hangs her head in shame and avoids eye contact with me.

Suddenly I feel angry at everyone in the room. I look at Christian and he pulls me into a hug and I give him a soft kiss on his neck, take a deep breath and look up at him anxiously.

"I need some time, I'll be upstairs" I whisper and he nods.

"Take as long as you need I know this is not what you expected. I'll be upstairs in a few minutes baby" he whispers back and kisses my hair softly.

As I head to the stairs Emma shrugs at me and I know that she knew nothing. I give her a worried smile and she follows me upstairs.

We go into my bedroom and sit down on my window bench. Emma looks nervous.

"Emma did you know?" I ask nervously. She is seven months pregnant and I don't want to upset her but I must know. She has been such a support system for me.

"No Ana, I had no idea, neither did Jose. We just found out today that your husband was being blackmailed and that some harm could have come to the children but I don't know much more than that." And I know she's being honest with me.

"Jose did say that had contacted him when you first split up and asked him to be there for you and you would need the support of a friend. He told him to fuck off and said he would always be there for you and that was the last time they spoke. He only just told me that today. Ana I am so sorry I don't really know what to say, this is just odd. I feel like I'm intruding"

"Emma, no I don't know what I would have done without you and Jose. I would have gone into a deep depression or worse. Your friendship and support gave me the strength to move forward. I can never thank you enough, you barely knew me but you reached out to me and my children and made me feel needed and important. I can never thank you enough for that you are my best friend." I say as tears prick my eyes and we hug.

"you are mine too Ana" she says in a warm voice.

I hear a knock on the door and Christian enters. He walks over to me cautiously and traces my jaw with his fingertips.

"You Okay baby?" he murmurs. And I shrug because I'm not sure if I am.

I need time to process all this. I am still reeling from our reconciliation and day of lovemaking and promise of a new life together. Now I find out it was all to protect me from Elena's blackmail scheme.

"Christian this is my very best friend Emma Rodriguez" I smile through my tears and in a very un-Christian Grey gesture he leans down and kisses her on the cheek and gives her a gentle hug.

"Very nice to meet you Mrs. Rodriguez please call me Christian"

"Nice to meet you Christian, call me Emma" she smiles.

"Thank you Emma for being there for my wife. I'm sorry I can't explain any more but please know this was only to protect her."

"No need to be sorry, I am just glad to have such a wonderful friend as Ana. She is going to be the godmother to our son" she beams and I hug her tight.

"Love you Emma, thank you" I whisper.

"I'll be downstairs Ana"

"Alright I'll be down shortly" I mutter but I'm nervous to face everyone.

I want to scream at them. The only one I can maybe rationalize a reason with is Carrick. He was helping his son, he's a lawyer but everyone else could have just been kept in the dark.

I feel like I was dumped by everyone. Okay I forgave Christian today but that was before I knew all of this, I love my husband I missed him. I never thought this could have been the reason he left but it's obviously true or everyone wouldn't be here throwing me some welcome back party.

Actually this is my home and I'll be damned if they are going to welcome me back. I will have to talk to them one by one and welcome them back. However in light of this day I am going to head downstairs and address my little fan club.

"Christian this is a lot to take on in one day, first us then all this I um..I just don't know how to react I'm in shock ."

"I know Anastasia, I am just happy you have forgiven me. I love you so much and I have missed you. I won't ever hurt you again. I'd die before I ever hurt you or the kids again, I promise you that. I don't care if the world knows what happened or if I lose my fortune, as long as I have you I'll survive. I just can't survive without you again" he chokes out as he buries his nose in my hair and holds me tight.

"God I have missed your scent, you are heavenly. I love you Anastasia with all of my heart and soul"

"I love you Christian, come lets go downstairs so the kids can see you. I have an announcement to make" and his eyes widen nervously. He says nothing and takes my hand and we head back downstairs into the family room.

The nanny has taken the children and Ava into the playroom and the silence from the family room is deafening. You can hear a pin drop as I enter the room hold hand with Christian. I smile at Emma and Jose and turn and face the anxious crowd. Kate is flushed and red faced from her tears and is gripping Elliot's hand tight as she stares at me.

I square my shoulders and look at them. Even in my jeans and converse I won't be intimidated.

"Hi everyone, I know you are all here because of this situation" I say feigning a lack of emotion.

I want to break down and cry but I will not. Time for them to earn my trust back, I don't give a fuck if they were protecting me. I'm hurting more than they could ever know. _Stop Ana, focus and continue… _

_"_I have had an overload of information thrust upon me today and for the sake of the children I would just like to not get into anything heavy and emotional right now. I'd like to eat something then spend time with my husband and children. Please have some food if you'd like and we can save our discussions for another time. I am not ready." I say confidently and one by one I take a glance at each of them.

"Of course Ana" Grace says quietly. My eyes shoot over to Kate again, my best friend, well was my best friend. How can I ever look at her the same especially knowing that she has also been my "fake boss" for the past few months? I feel like a joke, I put so much hard work and effort into reading those manuscripts. Were they all faked or plagiarized? Were they real? I have no clue. I do know that I am out of work again because I sure as hell wont be working for a fake company.

She looks up at me in a most un-Kate like way. She looks defeated as opposed to her usual tough demeanor. There is a part of me that wants to run to her and hold her tight. She was my best friend for so long, besides Christian she knows me better than anyone. She knew me before all of them ok well except my parents.

I give her a small sad smile and then embrace my mom who is sitting in the kitchen on a stool by the island talking to Ray. I know they had no clue about whats going on, my mother would have told me no matter what. She only knows that we were on the outs after a fight when I came to stay with her that week. I didn't really tell Ray too much about what was going on, only that we were having some problems. He said he'd be there for me but he is not one to pry. I even withheld info from my mother because she would have given Christian a piece of her mind. I give Ray a quick kiss on the cheek and he sighs.

"Well Annie I have no idea what is going on and frankly I don't want to know so long as you're okay?" he asks

"It's going to be okay dad, it's a long story but Christian and I are going to try to work it out. Mom where's Bob?" I ask hoping Ray doesn't feel uncomfortable. I know he's still got a thing for my mom.

"He's home, he couldn't get the time off. He's saving up vacation days for Christmas time. He sends his love to you and the family" she says quietly.

"You're both staying here tonight, I won't have it any other way" I glance at them. Mom traveled so far and Ray drove a good 100 miles to get here.

"I'm heading home Annie, I have a fishing trip tomorrow and a wedding on Sunday for Felicia's niece." Felicia is his girlfriend of three years now, lovely woman.

"Ana darling your husband has already put me up at the Fairmont in their best suite with all the trimmings including spa treatments. You two need some time together as a family. I will be here for the next two days we can do dinner tomorrow evening. Your nanny and I are taking the kids to story time at the book store and then to the aquarium. She's picking me up at 10am. After the kids are back home and settled in give me a call and we can meet for dinner" and she stands up and squeezes my face in her hands and kisses my cheeks a bunch of time and hugs me hard.

"I love you mom" I cry then I lean over Ray and give him a big hug and kiss on the cheek. "I love you daddy"

"Love you Annie" he smiles

"Come Carla I'll drop you at the Fairmont" he mutters to my mom and they both get up and head for the family room. I can hear them saying their goodbyes to everyone as I sit on the bar stool and pick at some grapes.

Little by little the Grey s make their way into the kitchen making small talk as they pick on some food they've obviously had catered to my house. I smile politely but remain aloof. I would prefer to talk one on one some other time with everyone. Right now I just wish they would go and let me have some time to process all of this. I just want to be with Christian and the kids.

Christian come up behind me and wraps his arms around me.

"I'll tell everyone you need some rest baby" and I nod and stand up.

I still want to say goodbye to everyone. I'm not very good at being cold hearted. Okay so maybe they had good intentions but I'm hurt and I need time.

I hug José tight and tell Emma to call me tomorrow. We have plans next week for lunch and I intend to make good on her having the best baby shower. I say goodnight to everyone else as a group and they all say goodnight to me and smile.

Kate lunges at me and before I have a chance to react she kisses me and hugs me tight.

"I love you Ana Steele, please give me a chance to make it right. I'll call you in a few days. I am so sorry." she weeps and I hug her back gently and she straightens up and smiles at me. She takes a deep breath and smiles at me while she sobs. She turns and grips Elliot tight while he carries Ava in his free arm and they head to the front door.

Everyone else shuffles out quietly looking sad. Grace turns to me and takes my hand. I do not harbor the same ill will towards her mainly because she has reached out to me, called me and has come to visit the children's many times over the last 18 months. I will still need to discuss this with her.

"Goodnight Ana dear" and she releases my hand. Christian bends down and gives each of her cheeks a gentle kiss and then a sweet hug. He closes the door behind everyone and kisses me hard.

"Ana I am sorry maybe it was a bad idea to have everyone, I was just so excited after you forgave me this afternoon and while you were napping I called everyone and set this all up. Please don't be angry at everyone it was my idea."

"Its okay I know you meant well Christian. I am just tired now I want to give Phoebe a bath, have Teddy take his shower give them a snack and story and then go to bed"

"With me ?" he smiles as he kisses my ear. Oh my blood flames at his touch. I want him right now, but it will have to wait.

"Yes with you , now lets get the kids settled down, then you can settle me down" I smirk

"Oh Ana, my beautiful wife, you have no idea how happy I am at this moment. I'm home with my family where I belong" he says as he kisses my hair and holds me close and tight in his arms. I almost feel whole again…

**To be continued… Happy holidays to you all xo**


	15. Chapter 15

If It's Over Chapter 14 Ana's POV

I open my eyes and glance at the alarm clock its 6:30 am and Phoebe should be up soon, usually by 7am and Teddy usually follows by 7:30 he loves his sleep and since it's the weekend he may even sleep until 9am. Then it dawns on me that I am not alone in my bed as I look down and see his arm wrapped around me. I glance to my left and there he is, it was real, yesterday happened and my husband is lying beside me in our bed here in our home. _Holy Fuck!_

Everything comes back to me in a rush, going to Escala, his anger, the possible divorce, the letter, the tears and making love _several times_, hearing about the blackmail scheme, and seeing my friends and family all standing in my home. Wow that's was a lot to endure for one day, I'm just glad its behind me and hopefully I can move forward a little at a time.

I stare at him while he sleeps peacefully and notice now that his copper hair has inherited a few grays. He is so beautiful and here we are still married and together again after so long. I can't help but wonder if he will leave me again, he won't get another chance if he does, so he better work his ass of earning back my trust. I'll deal with the rest of the Grey's another time and Kate too. Christian will always have my love I'm not going to lie. I love him so much that it's indescribable but trust is standing on shaky ground for me right now.

I can rationalize that he thought it would be in the best interest of me and my kids but he can't expect me to just forget all I've been through in these last eighteen months. I can't forget, I won't ever forget but I can forgive and try to move on. I stroke my fingers down his sexy muscular back and he opens his eyes. He looks around for a moment and I think he's not sure if he knows where he is.

"Baby, it's real I am here with you?" he asks ask he pulls me closer and softly kisses my neck and my lips while holding me tight.

"Yes, it's real, for a moment I thought I was dreaming too"

"Oh Ana…..Anastasia I love you, you have never looked more beautiful"

"I love you Christian, so much. I'm so happy you're home" and without warning my tears fall.

"Don't cry baby, I'm home I'm never leaving you. I promise you Anastasia I promise" and he holds me gently in his arms as I cry softly into his chest. He smells so good as I nuzzle him. I love being so close to him I never want to let go of him.

I sit up and glace at the video monitors and Phoebe is still fast asleep in her toddler bed and Teddy is gripping his torn up Buzz Lightyear and Woody blankie tight lying sideways across his bed. He's so adorable, just the spitting image of his daddy but with my eye color. He's going to be a heartbreaker one day and my little Phoebe looks just like me with dark slightly wavy hair pale skin but has her daddy's hypnotic gray eyes. She will not be allowed to date until she's' 30!

Christian smiles at me sweetly as we glance at our babies on the monitors.

"You are a wonderful mother Ana, our children are beautiful wonderful children because of you baby. Let them sleep, the nanny is still here and your mom is taking them to story time and the zoo today so they are going to need their energy"

We lie back down and just snuggle each other. I just want to look at him and trace every inch of his face and body. He's mine, my husband and I need him I never want to be without him again ever.

After some time exploring each other we make slow sweet love and just lose ourselves in each other for the next 30 minutes. I jump out of bed and put on my robe and go see the kids. Ted is already downstairs having cereal and watching TV. Phoebe is still in pull-ups, she's just 2 ½ and we have just begun some potty training and so far she's doing well it's just overnight that I keep her in a pull-up so she doesn't have an accident. Hopefully in the next few months she will be 100% in big girl panties.

Cassie is already running a bath for her while Christian smothers her with kisses and helps her pick out a cute outfit for the day. She has asked him why he is here a few times and he's tried to explain that he lives here now with us but she had just turned one when he left so she doesn't remember him living here. Teddy was just three so he just has some scattered memories but he mostly thinks his daddy lives in the tall building in the city. Thankfully they are still young enough to adjust without too many questions. They just like seeing us together I think, they are such happy kids.

As Cassie puts her in the tub Christian and I head back down to Teddy and sit with him while he watches the Lion King on Blue Ray. He jumps into his daddy's lap and sings along. When Scar shows up he buries his head in Christian's neck and I giggle. He has watched this movie at least 100 times and he's still afraid of Scar.

"It's okay bud, Simba's going to save the pride lands and marry that pretty lioness Nala" Christian says to Teddy as he strokes his back while hugging him.

It's been so long since I've seen him with our children. Despite all that's happened he has always been a loving daddy to our kids. Phoebe comes running into the kitchen twenty minutes later in cute little white capri's and a pink tank top with a white cardigan and her little pink converse. She looks so cute.

"Mama I go to the zoo and see the monkey and birds" she says in her raspy little baby voice.

"I know sweetie and Teddy, Grandma Carla and Cassie are going to come too. If you are a good girl you can have an ice cream okay" I whisper and Christian scoops her up and kisses her chubby cheeks. She looks at me with excitement and claps.

"Teddy go take a shower baby and get ready. I will give you money to get a souvenir at the gift shop"

"Yes" he jumps and punches the air.

"Mommy, can I get the book with the stuffed polar bear this time? You said maybe last time mom" he pleads adorably.

"If you're good then I will allow it, last time you had a tantrum so you know why you didn't get it. Do you remember that?"

"Yes ma'am I promise I'll be good but you said it was spensive" and he glances at me and Christian looks at me with almost sadness.

"You mean expensive and yes it is. It's forty five dollars and that's a lot of money for a stuffed polar bear. I will make an exception this time if you are extra good okay sweetie" and I give him a giant kiss and he runs upstairs for his shower grinning ear to ear.

"Ana forty five dollars is nothing, we have all the money you could wish for"

"Christian, don't.. You know I didn't spend any money after you left me and my so called job didn't afford me to blow forty five buck on a stuffed animal. I will never get used to just carelessly blowing money. Once in a while it will be a treat for them but I'm not working right now obviously so.."

"Ana stop I'm here now and I don't know why you didn't spend OUR money it was yours. You don't have to work baby but if you choose too I will buy you your own company. APT is real though Ana and it's yours if you want it. I have already told you I won't leave, You can chain me to the bed if you'd like but in the meantime just let the kids have a special day. Think of it as an early treat or Christmas present"

"Chain you to the bed" I gasp and he rolls his eyes

"Hmm now if I did that my bottom would be sore Mr. Grey"

"I can't wait baby, as soon as your mom and Cassie take the kids you're all mine" and I flush

My mom arrives just after 9am and she and Cassie get on their way to story time.

"Ana honey, story time is at 9:45 then we are heading straight for the zoo, Christian said to get Teddy some book and bear and he gave me a stack of cash, all hundreds it must be a few thousand dollars" I roll my eyes knowing he can't see me.

"Yes mom today is an exception, just get them what they want but only if they behave then go have lunch, shopping whatever you'd like"

"I should be back around 5pm, you enjoy this time with your husband. I'll be sure to call when we are on our way back"

"Thanks mom, Cassie has the kids in the minivan already. Make sure to remind Phoebe to go potty and remember she can't eat too many sugary treats if she's going to have ice cream or she will be very hyper and then you can kiss nap time goodbye. She should nap around 1pm for an hour. Love you mom and thanks again" and I hug her tight

I close the door and Christian gives me that look. "Come shower with me baby" and I nod and take his hand.

**I will try to update more as soon as I can. Please forgive me not updating the past month. I was traveling and just didn't have the time. I will continue to update now that I am back… So bear with me, if you are a fan of this story I assure "it's not over" no pun intended! Xoxo **

**Review, msg me, share I love to hear from you all.. Peace and Love 3 See you next chapter **


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